Feeling Some Type of Way Meaning (Emotional Avoidance)

“Feeling some type of way” is a phrase that makes me lose my mind when I hear it. If you’ve ever wondered about the feeling some type of way meaning, that’s exactly the problem. It sounds like you’re expressing something, but most of the time, you’re avoiding naming what you actually feel.

Whoever wrote that song, I want to have a conversation with you. That song is undoing a lot of work that has been done to help people heal and for them to live emotionally healthy lives.

This may sound dramatic, but hear me out. That is what makes the feeling some type of way meaning so misleading. It sounds like clarity, but it keeps you disconnected from what you actually feel.

For most people, it is a struggle to name your feelings. Now, we have a song that talks about feeling “some type of way,” to push you further away from being able to name your feelings. Have you used the phrase “feeling some type of way?” If so, can you please stop using it?

Feeling Some Type of Way

The real feeling some type of way meaning is usually this: something is happening inside of you, but you either don’t have the words for it yet or you were taught not to use them.

Let me explain why “feeling some type of way” is extremely bothersome to me. As a psychotherapist, so much of my time with clients is spent helping them identify and name their feelings they currently have and that they have experienced throughout their lives. In the last couple of years, I have had several clients use the phrase “feeling some type of way” in their sessions with me.

When I hear that, I follow it up with “What type of way? Can you name your feelings?” Typically, they are puzzled because they believed it was helpful that they were admitting they were “feeling some type of way.”

The problem with that is that there are numerous feelings they could be having. It does not give me any information whatsoever as to what they are actually feeling.

This post is not to just focus on the phrase in that song, but rather to look at the ways society teaches you not to name your feelings. In addition to that, society also teaches us not to feel our feelings either. That’s nothing new, but I want to show you some ways that you probably haven’t thought about.

Name Your Feelings and Santa

Last week I was picking my baby up from pre-K. He got in the car and excitedly told me that he sang “Santa Clause is Coming to Town.” I found the song and played it for him on the way home. I doubt I’ve ever really paid attention to the lyrics and message of that song prior to that day.

Since I am a mom and a psychotherapist, I am very aware of what my baby is learning about feelings. I work very hard to teach him to identify his feelings and express them in healthy ways. If you want to learn how to teach your child to identify his or her feelings in healthy ways, check out my post Teaching Feeling the Emotions (Emotional Regulation for Kids.)

Before you think I am going to blast off about Santa being bad or that song, please know that is not what I am doing. I am simply illustrating ways that we receive messages throughout our lives that teach you not to name or feel your feelings.

You all know that song. It says, “You better not pout. You better not cry, I’m telling you why. Santa Clause is coming to town.”

When I played that in my car for my baby, I thought “Whoa! Wait a minute. I have been teaching my baby for over three years that it is okay to cry and this song is telling him the opposite.”

Societal Conditioning

Again, many of you may think it’s a little dramatic for me to think that. However, that just shows how we fall prey to societal conditioning. Messages that tell you not to name or feel your feelings are pervasive in our society, to the point that it’s our norm. We don’t think anything about it because we’re just used to it.

Research shows that emotional development is shaped by early experiences and repeated messages from caregivers and environments: https://developingchild.harvard.edu/resources/inbriefs/inbrief-the-science-of-neglect/

I still let my baby sing the song. We sing and play it four hundred and fifty thousand times a day right now because he loves it. It just prompted some thinking on my end about all of the messages we receive about how we should act in response to our feelings.

Another reason the song “Santa Clause is Coming to Town” triggered me is that it was an incredibly tough week for me with regard to what I was feeling and what my family was experiencing. I had three family members in the hospital that week. Being who I am for my family, I was the one whom they talked to about what they were feeling as a result of their medical issues.

One of my family members was crying and telling me how sad and scared he was with the procedures he was having. He said something that I have heard many times and from many people. He said, “I can’t let my wife see me like this. I am trying to be strong for her.”

At the time, I just listened and allowed him to cry and get everything out in a safe place. For me strength is being able to name your feelings and feel your feelings in healthy ways. Now, I’m not saying he was weak in any way.

Why Men Hide Their Feelings

What I am saying is that the family member I mentioned earlier is a product of societal conditioning, having taught him not to cry or show that he was scared or sad. That is why men hide their feelings. Yes, this is a generalization, but it’s something I’ve seen proven true both professionally and personally.

Most men are taught that showing feelings means they are weak. They are taught that it is their job to “hold the family together” no matter what is going on. They receive implicit and explicit messages that say, “Don’t feel your feelings.”

That is the root of why men hide their feelings. At the same time, there is societal conditioning that says it is acceptable for men to show anger. That’s why we interpret anger as masculine.

It’s not my job to teach my family member otherwise because I am his family member, not his therapist. It’s just sad to see how these messages from society shape the way men relate to their emotions.

That same week gave me another example of this. A different family member was facing a terrifying diagnosis for his wife, one that would not have a good outcome. As we talked about what the doctors had told him, he became teary, and so did I.

Immediately, he apologized. Why? Again, he is a man who was probably taught “don’t feel your feelings.” So, he was proving my point of why men hide their feelings.

The therapist in me came out quickly, and I told him I would not allow him to apologize for his feelings ever again. He understood why I said that, and I gave him a hug.

Results of Hiding Your Feelings

Like my other family member, I’m sure he believes that he is “supposed” to be “strong” for his wife and everybody else. There are two very dangerous ways that belief can impact people.

The first is that when you are not able to name your feelings in the name of being “strong,” you stuff them. Everybody knows that is not healthy. The most dangerous feeling to stuff, in my opinion, is sadness.

The second reason pretending to be “strong” is dangerous is how it can affect others, in addition to yourself. The fallout of that is two-fold and neither of them are good for anybody.

First, it can appear to others that you are callous and do not care about what is happening for others. Now, I know that is rarely the truth for most people. However, when you are trying to appear “strong,” it can seem like the difficult situation does not affect you.

More than likely, that is the opposite of what is actually going on for you. Without a doubt, you are feeling some type of way, to use that phrase I hate. However, the goal should be to name your feelings because it is normal to have them and you also deserve to express them.

That is the problem with vague language. It keeps you circling around the feeling instead of naming it, which is exactly what happens when you rely on the feeling some type of way meaning instead of identifying your emotions.

The other side of the fallout of appearing “strong” is that others will not know that you are struggling too. Now, many of you might think that’s what you want because you were taught not to have emotional needs.

That just results in your needs not being met. So, those feelings you stuff will just get bigger and bigger. Eventually, they will come out in very unhealthy ways, which I discuss in my post Anger is Often Repressed Feelings of Sadness. That’s never good for anybody involved.

If this is hitting and you’re realizing how hard it is to name your feelings, I created a guide to help you start understanding where this comes from and how it shows up for you.

If this is hitting, this is your Not Good Enough Stuff.

If this is hitting, this isn’t random. This is your Not Good Enough Stuff.

This pattern didn’t start now. It started way earlier. And it keeps showing up in ways most people don’t realize.

I put together something that breaks this down so you can actually see where it started and how it still shows up now.

👉 Understand your Not Good Enough Stuff and where it started

Name Your Feelings

There are numerous ways in which society has taught you and continues to teach you not to name your feelings. I encourage you to start paying attention to things in your life that send the message that you should not show or name your feelings. This is where understanding the feeling some type of way meaning starts to matter, because you can’t change what you can’t clearly identify.

Let yourself start challenging those messages. Show true strength by identifying and expressing your feelings in a healthy way.

If you want to go deeper into understanding yourself beyond these patterns, this will help. https://www.theinnerchildtherapist.com/who-am-i-discovering-yourself/

Create Your Own Santa Beliefs

Now, if any of you got stuck on my talking about the song “Santa Clause is Coming to Town” and think I may be a little bit crazy with that, keep reading. I am allowing my baby to believe in Santa Clause, but I’m doing it in a little different way than what I and most others learned.

Since it’s Christmas time, people are often telling my baby that he better be good so that Santa can come see him. I’m aware that they don’t mean any harm. They are actually just being sweet and connecting with my sweet baby boy.

I love the magic of Santa. I want my baby to love that magic too and he does. However, I’m teaching him that Santa will come see him no matter what he does.

It’s normal for children to misbehave because they are learning how to operate in the world, and they are asserting themselves and their independence. That is what we should actually want.

So, I will not teach my baby that he will not get the experience of Santa unless he is perfectly behaved. He is already perfect in my eyes. He deserves to know that and be shown that in every way my husband and I can show it.

I am teaching him that he should “behave,” for the lack of a better word, because he needs to learn what he can and cannot do in the world. However, I will not teach him that he should behave simply because somebody will give him presents.

So, ho ho ho and if you love Santa time, I hope Santa is good to you this year. Tell Santa that I said you deserve all good things, but please do not tell him you are feeling “some type of way.”

When you understand the feeling some type of way meaning, you start to see how often it shows up in your life. If you’re ready to go deeper, my free Inner Child Workbook walks you through identifying the patterns behind this and what to do next.